God Comes Through So Powerfully

Today, I sat in court with tear filled eyes as Baby J.’s birth mother chose adoption for him.  Just like that, in less than fifteen minutes, he was legally a ward of the state, the first step in the process of our adopting him.  As we left together, she asked if I was okay.  In the elevator I thanked her for giving him, us, this chance.

A few minutes later, I closed the door of the car, and the tears came.  Great gulping sobs.  Joy because, by the grace of God, our baby won’t have to leave us.  I’ll always get to be his mom.  I’ll get to watch him learn to run, and teach him to read.  I’ll be there when he is sick or scared or happy or mad.  His future suddenly looks safe and secure.

Yet, so much sorrow is intermingled with that joy, because he has come to us at such a cost.  Another family torn apart.  Another mom who he will never call mommy.  Her arms will ache to hold him, but he’ll be gone.  The tragedy of our fallen world, so real, knowing that losing his birth family is what is best for this little guy.

And, I’m humbled that God’s best for J. is our family.  Despite our flaws and brokenness, God has seen fit to once again bless us immensely. Gratitude overflows that He has chosen Matt and me to be the parents of this special baby, and He has chosen my kids to be his brothers and sisters.

When I got home I passed right by my faithful mom, who was on her fifth day of babysitting the troops in a week.  I went straight to J.’s room, where I knew he was napping.  I lifted him, all limp with sleep, and clung for long minutes to his little body. He rubbed his bushy hair into my neck and hugged me back.

“I’m your, Mommy,” I told him, “I’ll always be your mommy.”

He blinked at me all sleepy and confused.  I wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t already know.